seisdemayo (seisdemayo) wrote,
seisdemayo
seisdemayo

My Heart Is So Lost Because You Took It With You

My Heart Is So Lost Because You Took It With You
R
Sehun/Kai
Sehun was away on the Eve of Christmas Day so Jongin decided to be all sappy and disgusting and gross and, you get it.

Warning: Gross word-vomit caused by 3.5 Christmas albums. The fic is 506 times sappier than the title, you've been warned.

Christmas Eve will find me
Where the love light beams
I'll be home for Christmas
If only in my dreams



Will you be home for Christmas?

If you want me to be.

I miss you.

Never had a day without feeling the same way.

Jongin smiled.

I want to see your face.

He typed it with a pout and he could already imagine Sehun shaking his head. In actuality, he knew Sehun almost wouldn’t agree. Almost.

His phone blinked a few times, ringing, as Sehun’s photo appeared on his screen.

Excited, he sat up on his bed and answered on the third ring.

Sehun’s face was on and Jongin could tell he was holding the phone away from his face which meant he wasn’t in his office but outside. Usually, he talked to Sehun through live chats with his phone placed fixedly on his desk while Sehun was working on something his boss wanted asap, he said.

“Are you out somewhere?” The question popped up without thinking, seeing as it was the first thing he noticed.

“Yep. Errands.” Sehun nodded a little and he seemed distracted for a while before he looked expectantly at Jongin, on his phone technically. “What did you want?”

Jongin smiled sheepishly and leaned on his headboard. “I miss you.”

“You’ve said that twice now.” The other said impatiently but Jongin didn’t miss that smile he tried to hide. And then, as if an idea popped in Jongin’s head, a sly smile escaped his lips.

“Honey, I miss you so much you don’t even know.” Jongin sighed dramatically, donning a sad face and a hopeless expression. “Monggu and I have been missing you for so long we feel so empty in this house.”

A small brown puppy appeared on the screen of Sehun’s phone and his owner was pouting behind him. A chuckle slipped out of his tightly-closed lips. He was trying to maintain his straight face but failed.

“Mmmwaa.” His foolish owner kissed little Monggu with an over exaggerated sound.

“Well, honey, I don’t think Monggu would like you to abuse him with kisses just because you want me home.” Sehun played with his little game.

“But you don’t come home.” There was a whine on the other end and Sehun was now on the verge of kissing his screen because that face was just too irresistible. But he had to stop himself as he was in public and he didn’t want being too easy.

“You know I work for you and for me, and for Monggu too, because I want our family to be happy.” A laugh almost left his lips but he willed himself to stay serious and as if it wasn’t good enough, he added a few slow blinks.

“Baby, don’t you miss me too? I’m always lonely. This room is so cold and huge for a small person like me who doesn’t have anyone to cuddle with at night. My heart is so lost; it’s not here because you took it with you.” Sehun let him carry on. Jongin clutched his chest where his heart should be and wept dryly as if there really was a hole on it.

“I’ve been abandoned and all I have left for myself is an image of you and your lips. The memory of your warmth and embrace. The feeling of your hands wrapped on my nape. The…”

Jongin paused and smirked. Sehun instantly knew he was thinking of something inappropriate at the moment. His cheeks flushed a little.

“I miss you and I’m a very very sad person because it’s almost Christmas and I’m sitting alone in my bed waiting for someone who can’t even promise to be with me on such an important day, and it’s just really really heartbreaking don’t you think, when you’re always on the phone longing for that voice to finally come home to you in flesh but no, he is such a cold cold person because he wouldn’t do any of that even if there’s someone who’s dying to see him.” He paused to breathe and went on again. “Don’t worry about me, I’ll be okay.”

Sehun burst out laughing at once when Jongin finished. The other’s body shook in trying to contain his laughter too.

“D-don’t y-you think y-you’re over-reacting, Jongin.” Sehun said in between chuckles. He had to press a palm to his mouth to stop himself from laughing more when a few people turned their heads to his direction.

“Did my little speech do nothing to your cold icy little heart?” Jongin threw him a look jokingly. He held the phone away from his face while his other hand went to grab little Monggu and he caressed him there.

“Missing you so bad.” He added while he scratched Monggu’s tummy.

“Miss you too.” Sehun answered after he came down from his laughing high. “Now, I should get going before I get stuck with work again later. I don’t want to spend my Christmas in the office now, do I?”

A pout surfaced on Jongin’s face again. “Fine. Ignore your boyfriend and have fun with your papers.”

Another laugh echoed from Jongin’s screen. “I won’t have too much fun, I promise, if that will make you feel better.”

The one at home scrunched up his face and suddenly, he looked at Sehun on his screen with gentle eyes and a sincere face. “I really do miss you. So if you could, please come home.”

He didn’t get an answer, but instead, Sehun looked at him with pleased eyes. “I love you.”

“I love you.” As if that made everything better all of a sudden, Jongin smiled.





“Now, little Monggu, what should we do now that your mama isn’t here, huh?” Jongin rubbed his nose on the puppy’s snout and snuggled with him on the bed.

“Don’t tell him I called him your mama.” He laughed quietly before it became a sigh. His thoughts drifted to him and he sat there, holding Monggu on his lap, thinking wistfully.





A few hours later, Jongin was spread on his comfy bed, dressed nicely for a good dinner he would have when the clock strikes 12. He took his time in the shower to make himself more presentable for the occasion. Taking the razor, he shaved his excess hair off of his face until he’s squeaky clean. He smiled at himself. Christmas was in 2 hours and he wouldn’t want to be caught in trashy clothes on a good day.

At least, he wanted to be someone Sehun would appreciate. Not that he wouldn’t if he had visible stubble or he was in his dirty clothes; it’s not that. He just wanted to be someone Sehun would be proud of and would want to come home to every single day despite him being away and too busy with his job.

Because no matter how much he had said it, it wasn’t enough to let Sehun know how much he loves him and how much he is willing to sacrifice for him.





The night had gone so cold and Jongin already turned the heater on but he was still there, sitting on the edge of his bed, rubbing his hands together. A few minutes left til Christmas and he wasn’t entirely sure why he wasn’t moving at all. Should he prepare dinner now? Should he light the candle he settled in the middle of the table in the dining room. Monggu was running here and there in his room; a cute pink bow tied on his body because Jongin thought it was cute. It seemed like Monggu was excited for Christmas too.

A quick glance at his phone meant Jongin was still hoping. He fixed his bow tie and checked his collar for any creases. He looked absolutely stunning in a simple coat and tie with his dark hair a little brushed up. He looked at the mirror and smiled at his own reflection while the clock slowly ticked to 12.

A small ding echoed in the hall, letting him know that it is Christmas. As if the whole night knew, the wind blew and the sound it created against his windows comforted Jongin a little. Monggu barked at his feet and he picked him up.

“Merry Christmas Monggu!” He gave him a peck before stuffing him inside his coat. His head rested on the middle of where his coat was last buttoned, his furry face dangling from his coat.

The doorbell rang. Monggu barked as a response and if Jongin wasn’t quick enough to hold him back, he would have jumped down to get to the door. The doorbell rang again.

Jongin’s steps were rushed and short. He stopped by the door with a huge grin on his face. Then he opened it.

“What took you so long?” Sehun whined the moment the door opened, but he couldn’t help but return Jongin’s contagious smile. “Merry Christmas!!”

Sehun took his boots off and raised his hand that held a huge ribbon-ed paperbag. “I got you this earlier while I was shopping for you and Monggu when you called.”

He rolled his eyes playfully.

“Oh so that was why you were out?” Jongin asked in total surprise as he let Sehun in before he closed the door.

“Yup. You’re too impatient as always.” Sehun untangled the scarf on his neck and let Jongin take it away from him and hung it on the rack.

When Sehun was finished putting his gifts down on the table, he faced Jongin, beaming. He took in his appearance; no words came out. He was just too happy to see him make an effort like this.

Jongin reached for him and not long after, his hands were on his waist and Sehun was wrapping his arms on his neck; a contented sigh coming out of his lips.

“Merry Christmas, Sehun.”

“You too, Jongin.” And Jongin closed the gap between them. His lips molding on the other’s lips, eliminating the cold that was once painted on them and was now warming up through their breaths. Jongin deepened the kiss, taking his bottom lip in his, pouring what was on his heart in the intimate kiss they shared in a chilly Christmas night. One of them withdrew to catch his breath for a moment when they resumed their passionate kiss.

Jongin’s hand snaked into the bottom of Sehun’s sweatshirt, making contact with his skin that sent chills onto Sehun’s spine. He jerked a little for Jongin’s hand was cold, but when his palm brushed up the small of his back and stayed there, Sehun could only pull Jongin closer to him. His tongue danced merrily with Jongin’s as the other tried to suck on his during their heated kiss.

It was going a little too hot for the both of them when Sehun felt a tickling sensation on his stomach. His shirt rode up due to Jongin’s hand and when they broke apart to see what was happening down there, they both laughed. Monggu was squashed in between them and was struggling to escape but he was trapped by Jongin’s coat.

Sehun laughed and bent to be at Monggu’s level, Jongin’s middle. “Oh no, Monggu. I’m so sorry.”

He grabbed Monggu from Jongin’s coat and held him closer to his chest. “How was our little baby? Did papa treat you well?”

Jongin shied away at that and he blushed at the way Sehun so openly called him his papa. He mentally noted he should once call him the mama, he laughed.

It took Sehun’s attention so he stopped kissing Monggu and looked up at Jongin. “What are you laughing at?”

“Nothing.” Jongin took Sehun’s chin with his fingers and pulled him up, closer to him. “You’re just so cute.” He kissed his nose.

“And should I say you are too?”

Jongin laughed again and took Monggu away from his hands. “No.” He put Monggu down on the table.

“I want you to say I’m sexy.”

Sehun snorted and stopped short when he realized he was serious.

“Seriously?” He raised an eyebrow and he found Jongin eye-ing him inappropriately. When Jongin was close enough to kiss him again, Sehun found his palms flat out on his chest. “Have you even had dinner yet?”

Jongin shook his head. “I was waiting for my dinner.”

“So let’s-“

“He was so late I’m too hungry I can’t stop now.” Jongin pushed himself on Sehun and caught his lips into his. Monggu was lightly barking at something but he was ignored as Jongin put some force into the kiss causing Sehun to step back.

It all happened too fast. At first, they were just getting into it, tasting each other through the mouths. Sometimes, Sehun even smiled against his kisses. They weren’t too gentle but they were never forceful enough to hurt. Jongin was that mix of security and adventure. He’s full of surprises and all of them just give him the feeling of satisfaction, every time.

Sehun gasped and breathed hard as he laid on their shared bed, his sweatshirt long gone and all that’s left on Jongin was his pants and bow tie. The fairer of them curled his finger on his tie to pull him over him and they shared another sweet kiss.

“I want you to tell me you love me and that I will be the one forever.” Jongin mumbled as he kissed Sehun’s jawline, whispering to his ear sweet nothings and rubbing his nose on his cheek. “I want you to let me know how much I mean to you and to which lengths will you go for me for this thing that we have together.”

His hands roamed the smooth exposed skin on his middle and Sehun could only close his eyes at the sensation. “I want to hear how much you ache to be with me every single day that you can’t and I want to know that you miss my kisses because they’re the ones that keep you going through times of hardships.”

Jongin buried his head in the crook of Sehun’s neck and sucked the sensitive skin there. “I want you to say everything you feel about me.” Sehun’s fingers tangled with his hair while Jongin continued to mumble his thoughts away.

“Because I’m ready to tell you everything I feel about you too. Everything you want to know and everything that needs to be said. I will tell you everything and not leave a single thing out.” Jongin found Sehun’s lips again and they drowned momentarily in their kiss. A trail of saliva connected them as their lips separated; Jongin wiping it away with his thumb, slightly grazing over his lip. “I love you. I love you so much and I-“

His words didn’t finish as Sehun lunged for his lips again and this time, he took his time kissing him with so much emotions Jongin felt like his soul had left because he felt so light.

“I can’t tell you these things.” Sehun finally answered, looking for the right words to say. Jongin’s forehead creased in confusion and he stared at Sehun’s gleaming eyes. Were those tears? Of what? Of happiness? Or sadness? Of guilt? Were those tears for him because while he gave everything that’s his, Sehun couldn’t return them like he said?

“Sehun-“ Jongin started but Sehun kissed his chin to silence him.

“I can’t tell you all of these… because it would take me a lifetime to put all my feelings into words for you. They’re overwhelming; they give me life and keep me going despite all the struggles we encounter every day. I can’t…” Sehun looked away, his eyes now brimming with his tears. He paused.

“I love you.” Sehun whispered against Jongin’s lips as the latter hovered over his body, his arm comfortably resting beside Sehun’s head. “And I might not have the ability to put everything I feel in my heart into words, but I can promise to answer them through actions. For the rest of my life.”

He felt Jongin nuzzle his neck. It painted a smile on his face and he knew, Jongin was smiling too. A pair of lips landed just above where his adam’s apple was. “We can start now.”

A chuckle echoed in their room and Sehun nodded. “Yes.”

Before Jongin could dive in to his naked glory, Sehun held his face in between his hands and stared at him.

“Thank you. For this thing that we have together.” He found it cute that Jongin couldn’t say it earlier but could go on and on with his I love you’s. He bit his nose playfully which made the other to scrunch up his face.

“Now, is my dinner ready?”

Sehun wiggles his eyebrows. “He is all ready.”





It was their best Christmas together as of yet. Two hours after midnight, they were lying on their backs wrapped under their bulky white duvet. The fresh sweat on their skin said how much they’ve had it the entire night. Jongin held Sehun closer as he breathed heavily next to him.

“Jongin.” Sehun spoke, voice a little stuck to his throat out of exhaustion, but tone was curious as if he just remembered something he had been wanting to ask awhile ago.

“Hmm?” He answered groggily, unconsciously tracing little circles on his tummy.

“What was that about this morning?” The other moved and adjusted his position so he could look at his face.

Jongin smiled weakly, obviously worn out as well.

“You made it sound like we never saw each other for a long time? Fyi, I come home to this house every day after work. What’s gotten into you?” There was no anger in his tone, just purely amusement.

The boyish smile appeared on Jongin’s face. “I just thought making a little Christmas drama would make us sound like a cute clingy couple.”

He jumped in surprise when Sehun pinched the skin on his pelvis, the nearest he could grab. He rubbed it soothingly after.

“Why are you such a guy full of surprising tactics?”

“You liked it?”

“No.”

“But you did go with it anyway!”

“But you made me sound like a natural heartbreaker.”

“Just admit that you liked it.”

“I did not.”

“I didn’t know my Sehunnie liked roleplaying.”

Another pinch, this time dangerously closer to his treasure.

“Ow! Oh, I got an idea. Should we try doctor-patient next time?”

“I swear Jongin-“

“OUUUUUUUCH that was my dick!”

“Serves you right!”

“So you want the BDSM-ish theme, huh.”

“KIM JONGIN!!!”

“Ouch!!! That fucking hurts!!”





The next morning, Jongin figured why Monggu kept barking at them last night. He forgot he left him on the table and he couldn’t go down on his own. The pair saw him sleeping on the table pitifully curled up in position.

“Oh nooo, my little Monggu. Bad papa!”

“Oh no, Monggu-ah. Mama is mad at me.” The papa pouted.

Monggu stirred awake and stood on all fours, jumping at Sehun.

Jongin’s smile was so wide. He would never speak of it aloud, but this is something he would want them to roleplay forever.

A family.

The pretty little bow untangled itself from Monggu and Jongin picked it up.

It said “Merry Christmas.”

Merry Christmas, indeed.





Fluffy feels thanks to little fella. I’ve always wanted to write something with this role-playing theme ever since let me put you on my to-do list by xxbbq. The RP in this fic might not have been so convincing, but still! Lol Is it too early for a Christmas fic? Oops.
Tags: kai, my heart is so lost because you took it , sehun, sekai
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